We are up as usual the third day and I crash/half asleep toward the sala to open the day with meditation as during each previous day. "In the dark comfort
candlelight flickers
enclosing the sala in a dim curtain."
The routine of the day begins to unfold as a quieting factor, reducing distractions.
We go to Yoga and I try to be moderate. I find myself staggering around with my balance disturbed by my reduced blood supply associated with the atrial-fibrillation, but I try to walk mostly normal.
Occasionally I check my pulse just to humor myself, the beat is so irregular it feels like some kind of jazz rhythm, making a normal heart beat seem so boring.
To breakfast at 8:00 with the same rice can-gee (although I am not sure that is what I should call it.) Then back to my cell for a nap.
Mindfulness of breathing is what unlocks all other considerations (the remaining 12 follow almost automatically.) That is what we are taught. The teaching and emphasis of Anapanasati has changed since I read about it. And of course that is what I came here for, to do it and learn the nuance, rather than the simple crude knowledge.
We did more walking meditation today. A monitor lizard came bye, sticking out his tongue in doubt and disgust.
The fourth step (tetrad) is a training, (single-pointed guarding the breath) for the insight into the next 12 steps used as objects of meditation.
Vedana, feeling support of mindfulness, is seen as rapture (jhana) and only process that operates as mind conditioning.
My thought in contrast suggests: This is not "buddhism" but hollow teaching of bliss and rapture. They have rebelled against the useful symbols of Buddhist ritual because of misuse and superstitions of most Buddhists. But in doing so they have not preserved the aesthetic beauty of the Thai religion.
However, I observe that they have their own esoteric superstition, but just not the same ones. This might be the "Unitarianism" of Buddhism where they try to appreciate the essence of all religion. We progress to walking meditation, introduction to chanting as before, and the day progresses by routine.
By noon of the fourth day, I feel my left hip and leg being seriously strained. I take some aspirin and that helps a little, but my leg is becoming a serious distraction.
In the morning of the fifth day I wake and roll out of bed. For just a few seconds I notice there is a stiffness or a kink in my left hip and move to rotate my leg, "shake it out" which turns out to be a mistake and I pinch my nerve and find myself in terrible pain. Now what do I do? I can hardly walk. I start off for the meditation sala by using the walking stick I found yesterday. I barely make it and stand by my seat in serious discomfort trying not to disturb anyone around me. I decide I can't go to yoga of course, and I can only walk a short distance without stopping to let the pain subside. I make it to breakfast and don't have any appetite. After breakfast I stick around and ask for medication, they have some pain pills but it doesn't do me any good. I ask for ice and try that, but it doesn't help. I return to my room, and try to lie down but can't find a position to be comfortable. I decide I have to leave to visit a hospital to get some pain medication, at least some ibuprofen. I pack and struggle to get to the central dinning hall. I arrange for a ride to town but have to wait until 3:00 in the afternoon. The driver of the abbot takes me to town and I check in to the hospital. The young doctor interviews me and prescribes a shot for pain, and then some muscle relaxers etc. The visit to the hospital costs about three dollars. I decide that I need to return to Bangkok, so I ride to the train station on the back of a motorcycle carrying my rather large back/pack suitcase on my lap. I wait for the train in the heat (about 98F)and humidity (about 95%.) The train comes and takes me to a station in Sura Tani about 15 miles from the airport. Then I get a pickup/taxi and ride on the back of this covered pickup truck to the airport. The driver helps me (so we can find change, and he can get paid.) I get an airplane (about $75.00) to return to Bangkok. By now the pain shot medication has faded, but I am taking the other pills and manage to limp along by leaning forward. Kenbaba (my son) picks me up, and I am back to civilization, disgruntled for not having been able to stay for the entire retreat. But I did get some training, perhaps the most useful part.
Perhaps I will try again.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Day two of the retreat.
The bells at 4:00 are less unwelcome, since I woke a half-hour earlier to the raucous sound of some huge birds squabbling in the trees that grow in the courtyard of this men's dormitory. And I dress quickly after rinsing my body by dipping a bowl into the water tub outside my door. That is the way we clean ourselves and I will do my laundry in the same way on day four.
We move to meditation before 4:30 and sit and wait for whomever. Ajan Po comes and describes "catching" which is a way of focusing on the perceptions of our senses as they come into the "sense doors." I have thoughts about mindfulness, and wonder if it is really only 1/100th part of Buddhism. One of eight steps on the Eight Fold Path, which is one of four of the Four Noble Truths, which is one third part of the Triple Gems (three refuges) (dharma). Thus 8x4x3=96. Obviously an essential part that effects nearly everything else, but so are all the teachings interrelated. Therefore, why so much emphasis on mindfulness? I think it is a Western fad.
Our schedule for day Two is the same as One, with some different speakers. Again Yoga with an effort to be moderate, but noticing that I can do a little more. Breakfast and Lunch as usual features rice with Chinese savory cabbage: "I want to thank the caterpillar who left some of this savory organic cabbage for me."
At 2:30 the English monk clarified a little the background and importance of the sixteen step Anapanasati teaching of meditation. One important aspect is to chase or follow the breath rather than immediately identify a point and "guard" the breath, which is often taught and is actually step four of Anapanasati. He said this is very important to develop the "following" (which is also taught in Tibetan Buddhism.)
More walking meditation practice to break up the day, some more chanting and then tea at 6:00. After the 7:30 meditation we did a group night walking meditation and I found that I had difficulty with my balance but managed to go anyway. Those behind me must think I am drunk or drinking on the side. The stars were bright and beautiful around the several reflecting pools that during the day are full of pond muck and algae.
Sleep comes easily in spite of the hard surface my body confronts.
We move to meditation before 4:30 and sit and wait for whomever. Ajan Po comes and describes "catching" which is a way of focusing on the perceptions of our senses as they come into the "sense doors." I have thoughts about mindfulness, and wonder if it is really only 1/100th part of Buddhism. One of eight steps on the Eight Fold Path, which is one of four of the Four Noble Truths, which is one third part of the Triple Gems (three refuges) (dharma). Thus 8x4x3=96. Obviously an essential part that effects nearly everything else, but so are all the teachings interrelated. Therefore, why so much emphasis on mindfulness? I think it is a Western fad.
Our schedule for day Two is the same as One, with some different speakers. Again Yoga with an effort to be moderate, but noticing that I can do a little more. Breakfast and Lunch as usual features rice with Chinese savory cabbage: "I want to thank the caterpillar who left some of this savory organic cabbage for me."
At 2:30 the English monk clarified a little the background and importance of the sixteen step Anapanasati teaching of meditation. One important aspect is to chase or follow the breath rather than immediately identify a point and "guard" the breath, which is often taught and is actually step four of Anapanasati. He said this is very important to develop the "following" (which is also taught in Tibetan Buddhism.)
More walking meditation practice to break up the day, some more chanting and then tea at 6:00. After the 7:30 meditation we did a group night walking meditation and I found that I had difficulty with my balance but managed to go anyway. Those behind me must think I am drunk or drinking on the side. The stars were bright and beautiful around the several reflecting pools that during the day are full of pond muck and algae.
Sleep comes easily in spite of the hard surface my body confronts.
The retreat day one.
Up in the morning at the sound of the bells at 4:00 am is like being jerked by a chain. I get up but don't wake up until sometime along the dark path to the meditation hall, which is an open barn with a sand covered floor. I have already taken a seat so I arrange my cushions and initially sit. Then I decide to stand before the session starts to save my sitting muscles for the time when someone is talking. I am the only one standing however, but I suspect that later others will discover the advantage of doing so. Ajan Po, the local Abbot was the first to come to give us a welcome. His English is barely decipherable for me, a native speaker, and I imagine the others in the audience who are ESL are having even a more difficult time. But possibly hearing the words is just as important as hearing the message which is standard fare. About this I wrote:
The monk Ajhan Po
sits as a golden bronze lotus
and earnestly tries in his broken English
to make us whole.
We sit watching our breathing, in and out, long breaths, short breaths, chasing or following from the nose to the abdomen and back, etc. Mindfulness is just about initially following the breath, and later we presumably put that technique to more esoteric use.
We are after a short while sent to our Yoga session. I endeavor to follow the leader carefully, which, in spite of how cautious and careful I am, will prove to be fateful.
After Yoga we return to the meditation hall and listen to someone say something and sit in silence, a lot of silence, until 8:00, time for our breakfast gruel (which is probably labeled con-gee'.)
After breakfast we are to take up our one work task, but mine is to be done after lunch, so I troop to my room for a nap which is very welcome.
Back in the hall at 10:00 for more meditation laced with discussions of how to watch your breath, and how to live a better life. It turns out that the content of the lectures are of less importance and less memorable than the actual practice of simply breathing. We are discouraged from writing anything during the retreat because this might create distractions, and this process is all about minimizing distractions, so that our minds can mindfully follow our breath without more immediate thoughts challenging our attention, so I didn't keep a diary, as directed.
We are given a lesson in three part walking meditation, and then five part walking meditation, which practice is designed to help us learn to see reality as it is in each grueling detail -- elsewhere called "direct awareness". We are eventually sent off to practice this walking meditation until the lunchtime at 12:30. Lunch is rice with a topping and a few bananas and is the same every day. Our schedule is more or less the same each day, all the better to reduce distractions.
After lunch I return to my room and take out the garbage to burn it, not much of a fire but I do my job in silence. I return to my concrete slab for a nap. Then wake up in a jerk and in a sweat of course, since it is 30 C even in my cool room. I still have a half hour, "what to do", I meditate and half/sleep meditate until the bells ring. Then back to the meditation hall at 2:30 to hear the English man who has been a monk here for the last twenty years. Of course he is coherent, and humorous, interesting to listen to, but strangely dismissive of the impact of the retreat, and the potential for any significant happening in such a short time.
He indicates that the first four steps of Anapanasati are the most important and dismisses the impact or usefulness of the others (12). This is a surprise to me, and leads eventually to my conclusion that this meditation scheme is little more than a different "brand" of the mindfulness meditation that is taught in numerous other retreats across the world, and is therefore nothing particularly special and I needn't have gone to all the trouble to come here.
After his one hour session we go out to practice walking meditation, then back to the meditation hall for a short lecture by one of the nuns that run the place, apparently mostly as volunteers. Her English, again is challenging, and leads me to write later: "If you repeat the same phrase often enough, the most profound meaning is bound to break loose; or will it?" This nun leads an optional chanting session in another building which I attend and follow along in the back of the hall, wondering what is happening if anything: Do these chants make my Heart more pliable and amenable to development?
At 6:00 we go to the mess hall for tea or hot chocolate. Then a break until 7:30, no dinner, that's the Buddhist monk way, no eating after lunch. I don't seem to be hungry, perhaps thinking about the rice and gruel keeps my thoughts of the physical pleasure of eating at bay. It's dark by 7:30 and we sit in silence: "Staggering in the dark is who I am." I notice that because of the affect of my atrial fibrillation my inner ear has a diffcult time keeping me balanced, and in the dark this affect is even worse. We listen and meditate and brush away the mosquitoes on suicide missions.
Mindfulness of breathing is what unlocks all other considerations.
Bedtime by 9:30 with lights out and electricity off.
The monk Ajhan Po
sits as a golden bronze lotus
and earnestly tries in his broken English
to make us whole.
We sit watching our breathing, in and out, long breaths, short breaths, chasing or following from the nose to the abdomen and back, etc. Mindfulness is just about initially following the breath, and later we presumably put that technique to more esoteric use.
We are after a short while sent to our Yoga session. I endeavor to follow the leader carefully, which, in spite of how cautious and careful I am, will prove to be fateful.
After Yoga we return to the meditation hall and listen to someone say something and sit in silence, a lot of silence, until 8:00, time for our breakfast gruel (which is probably labeled con-gee'.)
After breakfast we are to take up our one work task, but mine is to be done after lunch, so I troop to my room for a nap which is very welcome.
Back in the hall at 10:00 for more meditation laced with discussions of how to watch your breath, and how to live a better life. It turns out that the content of the lectures are of less importance and less memorable than the actual practice of simply breathing. We are discouraged from writing anything during the retreat because this might create distractions, and this process is all about minimizing distractions, so that our minds can mindfully follow our breath without more immediate thoughts challenging our attention, so I didn't keep a diary, as directed.
We are given a lesson in three part walking meditation, and then five part walking meditation, which practice is designed to help us learn to see reality as it is in each grueling detail -- elsewhere called "direct awareness". We are eventually sent off to practice this walking meditation until the lunchtime at 12:30. Lunch is rice with a topping and a few bananas and is the same every day. Our schedule is more or less the same each day, all the better to reduce distractions.
After lunch I return to my room and take out the garbage to burn it, not much of a fire but I do my job in silence. I return to my concrete slab for a nap. Then wake up in a jerk and in a sweat of course, since it is 30 C even in my cool room. I still have a half hour, "what to do", I meditate and half/sleep meditate until the bells ring. Then back to the meditation hall at 2:30 to hear the English man who has been a monk here for the last twenty years. Of course he is coherent, and humorous, interesting to listen to, but strangely dismissive of the impact of the retreat, and the potential for any significant happening in such a short time.
He indicates that the first four steps of Anapanasati are the most important and dismisses the impact or usefulness of the others (12). This is a surprise to me, and leads eventually to my conclusion that this meditation scheme is little more than a different "brand" of the mindfulness meditation that is taught in numerous other retreats across the world, and is therefore nothing particularly special and I needn't have gone to all the trouble to come here.
After his one hour session we go out to practice walking meditation, then back to the meditation hall for a short lecture by one of the nuns that run the place, apparently mostly as volunteers. Her English, again is challenging, and leads me to write later: "If you repeat the same phrase often enough, the most profound meaning is bound to break loose; or will it?" This nun leads an optional chanting session in another building which I attend and follow along in the back of the hall, wondering what is happening if anything: Do these chants make my Heart more pliable and amenable to development?
At 6:00 we go to the mess hall for tea or hot chocolate. Then a break until 7:30, no dinner, that's the Buddhist monk way, no eating after lunch. I don't seem to be hungry, perhaps thinking about the rice and gruel keeps my thoughts of the physical pleasure of eating at bay. It's dark by 7:30 and we sit in silence: "Staggering in the dark is who I am." I notice that because of the affect of my atrial fibrillation my inner ear has a diffcult time keeping me balanced, and in the dark this affect is even worse. We listen and meditate and brush away the mosquitoes on suicide missions.
Mindfulness of breathing is what unlocks all other considerations.
Bedtime by 9:30 with lights out and electricity off.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Past Time
It is past time that I recall and record the events associated with my travel to Suan Mokkh in southern Thailand, (near Chaiya and Sura Thani)where there is a retreat center and monastery devoted to the teaching of "mindfulness." On March 30 I traveled by "express" train west then south along the peninsula of Thailand, just a few miles across the mountains from Myanmar. First we passed rice fields, gradually changing to banana plantations and coconut orchards. I left at 8:00 and landed there about 16:30 with my one backpack suitcase in tow and an occasional smile on my face. As I disembarked I noticed similarly situated English speakers determined to go to the same place where I was headed, so I got their attention and we formed a loose group and made our way along the streets following a person who seemed to be expecting us and seemed to know where we were all going. Somehow four of us with our luggage crammed into a small car and we were taken to the monastery about 8 miles north (I think) of town. One guy couldn't fit so he came a little later somehow.
We were deposited in a heap in front of a small market area that spanned out on both sides of an old metal gate. Someone suggested that we needed perhaps to go through the gate and up the trail, they seemed to have been there before, or possibly they had dreamed it. I bought some water and took the straps out of my suitcase/backpack and stumbled up the rough trail about 1/4 mile until the reception area was clearly in view. I began reading various signs and notices, until I found a schedule, a sign in book, and got the general impression that I along with the dozen or so others by that time, were all in the right place. Someone was instructed to proceed to the men's dormitory and I determined to follow him. There was no charge for staying there the night before the retreat was to start, some of this I remembered from having read the web site prior to my arrival.
The trail to the dormitory was not marked, but we followed a well used path, avoiding roots and offering greetings to the two monkeys (apes?)that were having a late afternoon snack. This monastery was in a lush forest with considerable undergrowth and lush decaying leaves in between the few open areas that were variously used for drying laundry or walking meditation. The general impression was one of untidiness and disrepair, with some of the outbuildings crumbling in disuse or doors rusted shut.
Dormitories were somewhat better and looked habitable; we chose one and entered where there were obvious signs of use, found the mosquito nets in a box, the bamboo mats, on two flat wooden platforms along the length of the walls, screened openings for windows and two rows of posts holding the floor above. I spread out the mat and Kenbaba's (my son's)cushion camping mat, and hung the net, more or less following the pattern of the others. With that I was ready for a cozy night's sleep on the flat hard surface. There was a shower and a toilet nearby, so we were fixed for the night, which was still hot and muggy and I was drenched in sweat, so proceeded to change and clean myself before dark. I was rather uncomfortable with a pain in my back, which I had thought was a muscle cramp, but which I eventually deduced was in my liver or kidney because of all the medication I was taking for my heart issue. I finally resolved to stop taking the meds, and in fact the next two days brought relief from this pain, but not before spending an agonizing night trying to find a position to lie where I was not assaulted by serious back pain.
The morning came before daylight with the rather serious ringing of bells at 4:00 am. I got up and relieved by fatigue from trying to sleep, walked around and found no one doing anything in particular and went back to sleep for a couple hours. I was up for the new day before 7:00 am, as per the schedule, which didn't really seem to be much of a schedule, but finally a group formed and we determined that we were to walk across the highway via the pedestrian bridge and wait for a truck. We were too many for the truck but we were able to onload our luggage then walk the two miles or so along the road leading to the retreat compound. When we got there we sat in a mass waiting for further instructions which eventually came; we signed in, surrendered our passports, paid our bht2,000, and were given a key for our individual rooms, boys in one dorm and girls in another. There were about 100 attendees eventually, straggling in during the day, about half male/female, from probably 30 countries, who were required to speak English because the retreat was led in English. (I was in room 205. My job was to burn the daily garbage and used toilet paper.) We went to our rooms before lunch and hung our mosquito nets, laid our bamboo mats on the concrete shelf/bed and unpacked our luggage, settling in.
Lunch was rice and two different toppings, one with hop pepper, I chose the green bland one. This was typical each day as it turned out, with bananas and zesty cabbage which had obviously been grown organically.
We watched a video about Suan Mokkh, Buddhadasa Bikkhu the founder, and Anapanasati in the afternoon, then at 7:30 we met for "orientation". I had studied this kind of meditation so I was reasonably prepared for what was to come. After this main meeting, still before the first day, we were required to be silent, no talking among ourselves or during meetings except those few times when questions were invited. The silence is to reduce the quantity of distractions, reduce the arising of additional mental wanderings, eliminate any male/female interactions even between spouses, and practically, I suspect, it makes the administration of the retreat a whole lot easier because most questions people might have, and it was true for me, were answered in a day or two of patient listening. I think I fell asleep on the concrete bed in about 10 seconds after lying down, in spite of the unaccustomed hardness and the wood block pillow.
This was the beginning of my meditation retreat, which seemed like a mystery/treasure hunt, not knowing what to do next, but somehow finding a few clues that kept me going in the right direction with only minimum detours. The retreat itself comes in the next post.
We were deposited in a heap in front of a small market area that spanned out on both sides of an old metal gate. Someone suggested that we needed perhaps to go through the gate and up the trail, they seemed to have been there before, or possibly they had dreamed it. I bought some water and took the straps out of my suitcase/backpack and stumbled up the rough trail about 1/4 mile until the reception area was clearly in view. I began reading various signs and notices, until I found a schedule, a sign in book, and got the general impression that I along with the dozen or so others by that time, were all in the right place. Someone was instructed to proceed to the men's dormitory and I determined to follow him. There was no charge for staying there the night before the retreat was to start, some of this I remembered from having read the web site prior to my arrival.
The trail to the dormitory was not marked, but we followed a well used path, avoiding roots and offering greetings to the two monkeys (apes?)that were having a late afternoon snack. This monastery was in a lush forest with considerable undergrowth and lush decaying leaves in between the few open areas that were variously used for drying laundry or walking meditation. The general impression was one of untidiness and disrepair, with some of the outbuildings crumbling in disuse or doors rusted shut.
Dormitories were somewhat better and looked habitable; we chose one and entered where there were obvious signs of use, found the mosquito nets in a box, the bamboo mats, on two flat wooden platforms along the length of the walls, screened openings for windows and two rows of posts holding the floor above. I spread out the mat and Kenbaba's (my son's)cushion camping mat, and hung the net, more or less following the pattern of the others. With that I was ready for a cozy night's sleep on the flat hard surface. There was a shower and a toilet nearby, so we were fixed for the night, which was still hot and muggy and I was drenched in sweat, so proceeded to change and clean myself before dark. I was rather uncomfortable with a pain in my back, which I had thought was a muscle cramp, but which I eventually deduced was in my liver or kidney because of all the medication I was taking for my heart issue. I finally resolved to stop taking the meds, and in fact the next two days brought relief from this pain, but not before spending an agonizing night trying to find a position to lie where I was not assaulted by serious back pain.
The morning came before daylight with the rather serious ringing of bells at 4:00 am. I got up and relieved by fatigue from trying to sleep, walked around and found no one doing anything in particular and went back to sleep for a couple hours. I was up for the new day before 7:00 am, as per the schedule, which didn't really seem to be much of a schedule, but finally a group formed and we determined that we were to walk across the highway via the pedestrian bridge and wait for a truck. We were too many for the truck but we were able to onload our luggage then walk the two miles or so along the road leading to the retreat compound. When we got there we sat in a mass waiting for further instructions which eventually came; we signed in, surrendered our passports, paid our bht2,000, and were given a key for our individual rooms, boys in one dorm and girls in another. There were about 100 attendees eventually, straggling in during the day, about half male/female, from probably 30 countries, who were required to speak English because the retreat was led in English. (I was in room 205. My job was to burn the daily garbage and used toilet paper.) We went to our rooms before lunch and hung our mosquito nets, laid our bamboo mats on the concrete shelf/bed and unpacked our luggage, settling in.
Lunch was rice and two different toppings, one with hop pepper, I chose the green bland one. This was typical each day as it turned out, with bananas and zesty cabbage which had obviously been grown organically.
We watched a video about Suan Mokkh, Buddhadasa Bikkhu the founder, and Anapanasati in the afternoon, then at 7:30 we met for "orientation". I had studied this kind of meditation so I was reasonably prepared for what was to come. After this main meeting, still before the first day, we were required to be silent, no talking among ourselves or during meetings except those few times when questions were invited. The silence is to reduce the quantity of distractions, reduce the arising of additional mental wanderings, eliminate any male/female interactions even between spouses, and practically, I suspect, it makes the administration of the retreat a whole lot easier because most questions people might have, and it was true for me, were answered in a day or two of patient listening. I think I fell asleep on the concrete bed in about 10 seconds after lying down, in spite of the unaccustomed hardness and the wood block pillow.
This was the beginning of my meditation retreat, which seemed like a mystery/treasure hunt, not knowing what to do next, but somehow finding a few clues that kept me going in the right direction with only minimum detours. The retreat itself comes in the next post.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Coasting Along
Just an update on my prognosis. I seem to be doing alright, which is just a notch below just fine. I have woozy symptoms when I walk, I should be using a cane, or one of those sexy four wheeled slider-walkers just so I don't fall, but I haven't quite got to that point yet. My heart beat is still fouled up, atrial fibrillation, and I take pills to lower my blood pressure, one to kill rats, one to reduce bad cholesterol another for something I've forgotten why, and a vitamin just for good measure. Once my rat poison (warfarin) medicine is stable for three weeks or so they will shock me if my heart hasn't retreated to is normal beat by that time. In the mean time I get to go to San Antonio to visit 4 grandchildren Mar 15-22, and then to Thailand Mar 25-April 20 to visit two more, and all that time I have to keep taking pills and be monitored for levels and such. But I can "live a normal life" the doctor said. No problem mate! I can do that. I taught school half a day yesterday, and am scheduled to teach a full day tomorrow, PE. I expect to sit and watch the kids and walk around enough just to get some exercise.
Today I tried to keep up with spring by digging up some misplaced tulips that showed up in the middle of the back yard. I transplanted them into three new pots that I bought last weekend (Libby paid for them because I used her card ;-)) and once the season is over we will put them in some logical border area somewhere. I happen to love tulips so I am quite happy they showed up. Can't wait to see what color they are!!!
I had a nice relaxing dip in the hot tub.
It is rather pleasant here, albeit cold. We can see West and South out over the Palouse hills and watch the weather coast along and come sliding past our sentinel firs, with the new fronts and black clouds followed by blue patches of clean, fresh winter sky.
Today I tried to keep up with spring by digging up some misplaced tulips that showed up in the middle of the back yard. I transplanted them into three new pots that I bought last weekend (Libby paid for them because I used her card ;-)) and once the season is over we will put them in some logical border area somewhere. I happen to love tulips so I am quite happy they showed up. Can't wait to see what color they are!!!
I had a nice relaxing dip in the hot tub.
It is rather pleasant here, albeit cold. We can see West and South out over the Palouse hills and watch the weather coast along and come sliding past our sentinel firs, with the new fronts and black clouds followed by blue patches of clean, fresh winter sky.
Friday, February 26, 2010
The heart of irony.
Atrial fibrillation
I've got it and here's what it is:
a supraventricular tachyarrhythmia. Paroxysmal atrial fibrillation is associated with increased morbidity and mortality, in part due to the risk for thromboembolic disease. Atrial fibrillation treatment using medications or ablation may reduce recurrence, control ventricular rate, and reduce stroke risk. Management of atrial fibrillation symptoms should emphasize risk assessment, treatment, and monitoring according to established atrial fibrillation guidelines.
I am taking pills to reduce my blood pressure, and pills to reduce the risk of a blood clot. I hate this part. But apparently this has been the cause of some dizzy spells I have experienced. Hopefully the current episode of irregular heartbeat will correct itself in the next few weeks. If I still feel woozzy I may not be able to go to Thailand on March 25.
Definition
By Mayo Clinic staff
During atrial fibrillation, the heart's two upper chambers (the atria) beat chaotically and irregularly — out of coordination with the two lower chambers (the ventricles) of the heart. Atrial fibrillation is an irregular and often rapid heart rate that commonly causes poor blood flow to the body and symptoms of heart palpitations, shortness of breath and weakness.
Atrial fibrillation can also cause fatigue and stroke. It's often caused by changes in your heart that occur as a result of heart disease or high blood pressure. Episodes of atrial fibrillation can come and go, or you may have chronic atrial fibrillation.
Although atrial fibrillation itself usually isn't life-threatening, it is a medical emergency. It can lead to complications. Treatments for atrial fibrillation may include medications and other interventions to try to alter the heart's electrical system.
So now that I have been diagnosed and am under treatment it solves a few mysteries and I feel more confident that I can live comfortably and in a more or less normal way. The irony is that my last post in this blog was about the allegorical Heart, and I was suggesting how important the development and appreciation of the role of the Heart is in implementing the useful principles of Buddhism. So it goes.
I've got it and here's what it is:
a supraventricular tachyarrhythmia. Paroxysmal atrial fibrillation is associated with increased morbidity and mortality, in part due to the risk for thromboembolic disease. Atrial fibrillation treatment using medications or ablation may reduce recurrence, control ventricular rate, and reduce stroke risk. Management of atrial fibrillation symptoms should emphasize risk assessment, treatment, and monitoring according to established atrial fibrillation guidelines.
I am taking pills to reduce my blood pressure, and pills to reduce the risk of a blood clot. I hate this part. But apparently this has been the cause of some dizzy spells I have experienced. Hopefully the current episode of irregular heartbeat will correct itself in the next few weeks. If I still feel woozzy I may not be able to go to Thailand on March 25.
Definition
By Mayo Clinic staff
During atrial fibrillation, the heart's two upper chambers (the atria) beat chaotically and irregularly — out of coordination with the two lower chambers (the ventricles) of the heart. Atrial fibrillation is an irregular and often rapid heart rate that commonly causes poor blood flow to the body and symptoms of heart palpitations, shortness of breath and weakness.
Atrial fibrillation can also cause fatigue and stroke. It's often caused by changes in your heart that occur as a result of heart disease or high blood pressure. Episodes of atrial fibrillation can come and go, or you may have chronic atrial fibrillation.
Although atrial fibrillation itself usually isn't life-threatening, it is a medical emergency. It can lead to complications. Treatments for atrial fibrillation may include medications and other interventions to try to alter the heart's electrical system.
So now that I have been diagnosed and am under treatment it solves a few mysteries and I feel more confident that I can live comfortably and in a more or less normal way. The irony is that my last post in this blog was about the allegorical Heart, and I was suggesting how important the development and appreciation of the role of the Heart is in implementing the useful principles of Buddhism. So it goes.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Buddhism - Heart - UU Speech
The Heart of Buddhism
Today I want to examine how we can use Buddhist teachings and practice to ...develop our hearts, and find ways to be compassionate in everything we do.
There are many misinterpretations and a good deal of misinformation about Buddhism in our Western intellectual tradition. Each of these misconceptions is worthy of a Sunday presentation, but today I want to clarify and explain my understanding of the “Heart” – and to do this I will discuss a few issues based on the usage of a special language or jargon used by the dhamma traditions. This special jargon is what is in great part the cause of these misconceptions.
Now, in order to say what I have just said and be understood, I have necessarily used ordinary language, the language we learn and use in public school. Since we are so familiar... with everyday language… we often fail to realize the existence of other quite different and special languages: [for example the languages of academic disciplines such as Economics, or Law... ] also the language of Dhamma… is altogether different from the language of everyday.” (Buddhadasa) In many cases the words are the same but because we use these words in a particular context the meanings we assign to them are often different.
Before I finish I will give some examples of this jargon. But first I wish to clarify one point: When we read about historical Buddhism, many authors regard this teaching as a philosophy (not as a religion) because there is no deistic tradition. Buddha was asked many questions which are still being asked today such as:
Is there a God?
Who created the world?
Is there life after death?
Where is heaven and hell?
The classic answer given by Buddha was silence. He refused to answer these questions purposely because "these profit not, nor have they anything to do with the fundamentals of the religious life, nor do they lead to Supreme Wisdom, the Bliss of Nirvana." Even if answers were given, he said, " there would still remain the problems of birth, old age, death, sorrow, lamentation, misery, grief, and despair--all the grim facts of life--and it is for their extinction that I prescribe my teachings."
Buddhism is essentially religious because the teachings lead sincere adherents into having their own experiences that become life changing. No amount of academic or intellectual activity (developing concepts or philosophizing) can replace the experience that comes from diligent and repeated meditation along with sharing with other members of the Sangha.
So even though there is no deistic tradition, Buddhism is not strictly speaking an atheist philosophy, this understanding is left up to each individual, a matter of the Heart. Indeed many people find it possible to continue in their religious traditions and still embrace Buddhism.
How far do we need to go in conforming to the traditions of Buddhism? The Buddha didn’t want his followers to become intellectual slaves to any dogma or teacher, least of all to himself. There are taught ten principles that enable us to discern with our Hearts the teachings which are truly capable of improving our lives. I will not list all of these-- but briefly:
do not accept and believe just because something has been passed along and retold through the years or has become a tradition...
do not accept and believe merely because of the reports and news spreading far and wide
nor... anything written because... The words can be created, improved, and changed by human hands. We need to use our powers of discrimination to see how those words can be applied to quenching our suffering.
do not believe just because something fits with the reasoning of logic ...what we call ‘logics,’ can go wrong if its data or its methods are incorrect [or incorrectly applied.]”
do not believe or accept just because something appeals to one’s common sense ...or agrees with one’s preconceived opinions and theories.
do not believe just because the speaker appears believable. Outside appearances and the actual knowledge inside a person can never be identical.
do not believe just because the preacher, the [charismatic] speaker, is ‘our teacher.’ believe only after adequately considering the advice and putting it to the test of practice… Intellectual and spiritual freedom is best.” (Buddhadasa, 1999, pp. 2-5) This is the same way that we go about developing our Hearts.
Now I will give some examples of this special Buddhist language. And I want to emphasize that this is much the same phenomenon that occurs in other religions, certainly in Islam compared to the language used by Catholics, they may use similar words in more or less the same ways but the meanings are very different, and Protestants use most of the same words as Catholics, but now after nearly a thousand years of being divided the meanings are often different.
For Buddhism it is taught that: “Having perceived Dhamma, they speak in terms appropriate to their experience, and so Dhamma language comes into being.” This explanation is intended to suggest how the “jargon” of Buddhism developed, not to suggest an elite, secret, or esoteric language.
Buddhism teaches that our existence is, thusness, tathagata, suchness, what is, the here and now. In many places in Buddhist texts the word ‘birth’ and ‘rebirth’ are used but this is a specialized usage. “In everyday language, the word ‘birth’ refers to physically coming into the world... In Dhamma language, the word ‘birth’ refers to the birth of the idea ‘I’ or ‘ego’ that arises in the mind throughout each day. In this sense, the ordinary person is born very often, time and time again;... a person well advanced in practice (ariyan, noble one) is born less frequently still, and ultimately ceases being born altogether [arahant.]” (Buddhadasa) Because they live without “I” and ego guiding their lives.
Thus the idea that finding nirvana is about gaining enlightenment and thus not needing to suffer again from another reincarnation, is a misinterpretation of Buddhism, although this is taught in many Hindu traditions. In most Buddhist traditions today, “rebirth” is about what is happening in our daily lives.
For most people Buddhism is a very pragmatic teaching: one teacher warns: “If we bring magical and sacred things into Buddhism, it will become just more bowing to and worshiping holy things, requesting whatever we want without doing anything. That's a religion of begging and pleading; that isn't Buddhism at all. Instead, we must behave and practice in correct accordance with the law of nature ... “ (Buddhadasa) These instructions are as democratic as the nature of the very earliest Buddhist teachings that advocated the abolition of the caste system.
The emphasis on developing the Heart, is one case where the the western usage of “Heart” as a useful allegory is familiar and similar to the Buddhist usage. We can have a “full heart”, a “broken heart” a “soft heart” a “kind heart”, when we are in love we speak “the language of our hearts”. …. and in each case we have thousands of years of usage to corroborate a meaning for us in our ordinary language, and it is the same in all western romance languages.
In Buddhism the use of the word “Heart” -- is composed of what we ordinarily think of as our compassion, memories, mind and consciousness. This is an active allegory, one that can become the repository for our learning gains from the practice of Buddhism, thus we develop our hearts and this can be what guides our lives.
Part of my intention here today is to invite each of you to open your hearts, to have reasonable doubts. I have tried to suggest how we develop our hearts --which is the main focus of the teachings about meditation, rituals, chanting and practices of Buddhism. It is in our Hearts where we can find a space that is devoid of egocentricity, it is in our Hearts where sharing and caring originates. It is in our Hearts where we test the explanations about “creation” for example. It is in our hearts where we put aside gender distinctions that have plagued our society and can still be found in some Buddhist traditions in Asia.
Let me put this together: Recall that I said: “In Dhamma language, the word ‘birth’ refers to the birth of the idea ‘I’ or ‘ego’ that arises in the mind throughout each day. “ ---It is a universal teaching of Buddhism to get rid of the I, ego-centered life full of craving and grasping and greed – because these attitudes often lead to undesirable and unintended consequences-- But how do we eliminate the sense of my and mine? and still live a normal life?
When I realized that this teaching is based on another special use of language and that it applies to the growth and development of our Hearts, suddenly I could see how it was possible to do this. We can live a normal life working and being happy with our families, using ordinary grammar and prepositions like I, my, they, you etc., and independently develop our hearts to lead us toward developing we, our, all, and find ways to be compassionate in everything we do.
I am not here to tell you that I have actually achieved this kind of enlightened and purified heart, Libby will vouch for my need for modesty in this respect. But I want to leave you with one thought: this idea of developing our Hearts through the practice of Buddhist meditation, rather than just a simple practice of developing self-discipline, is the key to the value of Buddhism in our contemporary society.
The teachings of the religion [of Buddhism] leads to this point,-- The heart comes first, the heart is chief, the heart is the principal factor. All dhammas come down to the heart. So this is where we should straighten things out. Get so that the heart is shining and bright.” (Boowa, pg. 86) When we develop our Hearts to the point where we are guided in our actions by a gracious and thoughtful sentiment, we are following our hearts and the intention of the Buddha.
End of presentation
There are two specific meditation teachings that are often found in many different buddhist traditions: Anapanasati which is also called vipassana or using the breath to help develop concentration: and Satipatthana meditation which involves observing the body and mind to see it like it is, and just that, thusness.
In both meditation schemes it is our Hearts that rise above the five aggregates, as they are called, the crude instinctual habits of our animal lives, it is in our Hearts where we can connect to the tradition and nurturing of the ancients, it is in our Hearts that we find the energy and courage to meditate day after day, until we purify our minds and bodies. We look at breath as it passes, our postures, our daily motions and activities... also showing us our impermanent material nature... In buddhism there is no reference to looking for any spirit, eternal soul or mystical nature beyond the physical. There is nothing about “finding your true Self” or getting in touch with our higher self, because these do not exist (except possibly as abstract concepts) for Buddhists.
At different times in my life I went back to study Buddhism and practiced meditation that was presumably based on buddhism. Each of these periods is now remembered with fondness, because I'm sure I gained something even when I was doing it wrong, so to speak.
In [authentic] buddhist meditation... the task is to build up a degree of inner equipoise within which desires and discontent are held at bay. These initial stages of either Anapanasati or Satipatthana parallel sense-restraint, which combines bare sati with deliberate effort in order to avoid or counterbalance desires and discontent.” All of this effort comes from within our minds, listening to the urges of our Hearts, not from any outside source (i.e. god) influencing a “spirit” or “soul.” We are alone, but capable. “…Sense-restraint can be considered part of Satipatthana practice, particularly at those stages when desires and discontent have not yet been completely removed…” (Analayo, pp. 71-72) One point here is to demystify the way we are to see ourselves. When we can calmly view a repugnant image such as a decaying body, this is an analogy and we can view the ugliness of our own past natures and previous emotional reactions with equanimity, then we begin to take ownership and change our lives for the better.
I remember interpreting the first noble truth “life is all about suffering” or something to that effect, as a form of psychological blackmail – and teaching to convince people to follow a professional priesthood. This was my objection based on misinformation and it lasted for many years.
Instead, in buddhism we learn that living life as an art form, the very concept upon which many Buddhist teachings are based, and following enlightened ethical/moral teachings, is just as good an explanation for meaning in life than any given by a god/creator. At least it works for me. When we learn the art of developing our Hearts and using this abstract feature of our being as a source for inspiration, we have arrived at a very enlightened state, maybe not complete but it's a nice place to be. Our Hearts are not a Soul in any religious sense, but an abstract combination of our minds, memories, consciousness, and compassion both useful for ourselves and giving us the capacity to be kind and to love others. It may be more difficult to achieve this certainty, but it is also more rewarding in that it leads to peace of mind in all the ways that are taught in Buddhism and important in our Western culture.
Even though we be independent freethinkers we are still members of families and have personal responsibilities. What can be the justification for anyone to leave their families and dependents and live a life of solitude or cloister? This is actually discouraged by Buddhist teachers, and no doubt far more people are discouraged from this than are accepted into monastic orders. “So, in keeping with the fact that we're educated, we shouldn't forget the kindness of our parents [and families] who cared and provided for us before anyone else in the world. And we shouldn't forget our [historical] teachers and other benefactors. We should always keep their kindness in mind – because everything we have in body and mind has come from the care, protection, and teachings of our parents and teachers.” (Boowa) Of course there are those who had no parents and disliked their teachers, and have no spouse nor children and few filial obligations; these are the exceptions that prove the rule, so the message here is that we gain when we acknowledge the contribution of others in making our lives happier and perhaps helping us along an intriguing spiritual path. Knowing the love for our parents helps us imagine the possibility of sharing the same compassion for all of humanity.
The concept of “anatta” is central to Buddhism, in that it is taught as one of three characteristics of existence, along with impermanence (anicca) and unsatisfactoriness (dukkha). “The anatta doctrine teaches that neither within the bodily and mental phenomena of existence, nor outside of them, can be found anything that in the ultimate sense could be regarded as a self-existing real ego-entity, soul or any other abiding substance. This is the central doctrine of Buddhism, without understanding which, a real knowledge of Buddhism is altogether impossible. It is the only really specific Buddhist doctrine, with which the entire structure of the Buddhist teaching stands or falls. All the remaining Buddhist doctrines may, more or less, be found in other philosophic systems and religions, but the anatta doctrine has been clearly and unreservedly taught only by the Buddha...” (Nyanatiloka) This concept of anatta has either been corrupted by history, or misinterpreted. Stated like this-- no “self-existing real ego-entity, soul or any other abiding substance” --it is so much ahead of history and was not emphasized in the West until the time of Schopenhauer.
But For now it is enough to understand that “Everyday language and Dhamma language are two distinct and different modes of speaking… Dhamma language is the language spoken by people who have gained a deep insight into Dhamma.”
People who have a sensitivity or “intuition” about a divinely ordered universe will naturally gravitate toward the more esoteric or metaphysical teachings (of tibetan buddhist traditions, for example). People who are more “materialistic” will be more comfortable in the Theravada tradition, especially as it is taught in modern times as a rational, atheistic, aesthetic philosophy. For this latter there is no “Heaven”, no after life, no resurrection, no soul, no “rebirth”, no more… in the ordinary sense of such terminology. We just have this one chance to enjoy and benefit from our lives. Again, knowing why and how to do that is part of what it means to be enlightened. The truth of our Hearts as these become developed, is the truth that matters. “Everything within us, everything in the world, comes down to this one [refined] heart. The important essence lies here and nowhere else. So make an effort to free this heart, to straighten it out in line with your abilities – or to the utmost of your abilities. You'll then come to possess a rewarding treasure within the heart- the great, extremely rewarding treasure of the heart's own purity.” (Boowa, pg. 87) How can we have faith and depend on such an abstract, composite concept? As humans we have this capacity, and for some this is what they know as spirituality. What other choice do we have?
Thus where is the “I-ness” that we use so often in our ordinary language? There need be no “I-ness” in our abstract Hearts, but “I-ness” is found in our minds and the language (e.g. pronouns, I, mine, me, we) of our culture. This daily, ordinary usage is innocent and of no concern for enlightenment, it is the habitual egoism of our Hearts that we seek to eliminate, where it can be thought of as empty, not skillful. In our practice we develop our Hearts as the most intimate connection to the teaching of Buddhism and to humanity (and to the heritage of Buddhism) in general and this connection is without “I-ness”. Further it is by looking into our Hearts where we may find the answers to our most perplexing questions, and we find that the answers are more or less the same for everyone. Knowing this is like finding the answer to a riddle.
When a universal perspective dwells in our Hearts, there is understanding that “The body [emotions often of chemical origin] is something filled with suffering and discontent, but the heart can be filled with happiness. This is where they differ. The body is pitch dark in line with the crudeness of its elements, but the heart can be dazzlingly bright through the power of the Dhamma. This is where the heart becomes a 'Dhamma element', when it's fully bright within itself because absolutely nothing is left to obscure it.” (Boowa, pg. 86) And now we know the key to accessing all this purity. We know how to proceed, and we know that frequent and diligent practice will yield positive results eventually.
“Each arising in the mind of the idea of ‘I’ in one form or another is called a ‘birth.’ [furthermore] …To think like a celestial being is to be born a celestial being. Life, the individual, pleasure and pain, and other personifications --all these were identified by the Buddha as simply momentary states of consciousness. So the word ‘birth’ is used as an allegory, and means in Dhamma language the arising of the idea of ‘I’ or ‘me;’ and not, as in everyday language the physical birth from the mother’s womb.
The idea that Buddhism is a religion, and ought to be used that way for all the very positive benefits that a religion can convey, is important. “The teachings of the religion [of Buddhism] leads to this point, step by step, from the very beginning. The dhamma, you know, can be said to be broad, but can also be said to be narrow because it all comes down to one point – the heart. The heart is what experiences both good and evil... This is why the Buddha taught 'mano pubbangama dhamma' The heart comes first, the heart is chief, the heart is the principal factor. All dhammas come down to the heart. They don't lie anywhere else. So this is where we should straighten things out. Get so that the heart is shining and bright.” (Boowa, pg. 86)
The Heart is what controls the details of our lives once we have gone to the effort of developing it to be compassionate and virtuous. This is the home of purification --as we set out in our enlightened lives to achieve. Previously, I would not have written that statement, I didn't understand it that way and have come to understand only after I was taught by the Venerable Acariya Maha Boowa Nanasampanno, in his book, how to develop the Heart, and how essential it is to regard the “citta” as Heart. Every waking moment we resort to the information that is kindly stored in our Hearts; when we make the first contact of the day with our family members we do so with tenderness and solicitude that is prompted by the compassion that lives in our Hearts. Just like parents who are giving care to their young child; such compassion very often comes naturally, yet it comes from the Heart.
Our Hearts develop based on the ingrained habits of our chosen conduct, intentions and affinities. Whether we are extroverts or introverts, whatever the cause of these personality traits, this becomes a habit for us by the time we are adults. Some people relish the pleasure of associating with other people frequently, and some people are attracted to being alone or aloof. “This is why the various Arahant disciples excelled in different areas – each of them had developed habits emphasizing different aspects of inner goodness. There were many of them who, after becoming Arahants, didn't receive a lot of offerings or respect from people, but they excelled in other areas – all of which were aspects of the inner goodness that had helped them attain the Dhamma and gain release from suffering. But the external results still showed... An ingrained habit is something implanted deep in the heart [much like an addiction,] something we have done so consistently that it comes naturally to us, without anyone having to tell us -something we feel comfortable and right about doing, something we simply want to do, of our own accord. This is the point where it's called an ingrained habit.” (Boowa, pg. 78) The message here relates to positive ingrained habits, but negative ingrained habits operate in the same way to destroy the connections we have with our pure Hearts and with our natural Buddhahood. This implies the destructive nature of the ingrained habit of indulging in alcohol or other mind altering drugs [which are not prescription medications used appropriately.] A brief examination of our friends and acquaintances will likely reveal how some people can cope with minor alcohol or drug use, i.e. marijuana, and for others it becomes a destructive force in their lives. If our drug use encourages or enables the use by someone for whom drug use is destructive, it would be better for us to abstain than contribute to their destruction.
In buddhism other kinds of torments and suffering are described allegorically. “Rebirth after death as some kind of lower animal is the everyday meaning of rebirth into the realm of the beasts. In Dhamma language, it has a different meaning. When one is stupid, just like a dumb animal, then at that moment one is born into the realm of beasts… One may be born as a beast many times over in a single day. So in Dhamma language, birth as a beast means stupidity.” Prisons are full of people who live in the “realm of beasts,”
Another generic example of a specialized language, is found in the experience of reading a poem, initially with little understanding, then with a few clues and rereading we begin to recognize the metaphors, symbolism and poetic devices being used. The special language of the poem gives the poem a certain beauty and power not otherwise achieved. To elaborate, in Buddhism this special vernacular “... has to do with the mental world, with the intangible, non-physical world.” (Buddhadasa) Dhamma language is [most often] used to describe and express concepts that relate to what we often refer to as our “spiritual” lives.
“…When [Buddha] was expounding Higher Dhamma – for instance, when discussing conditioned arising (paticca-samuppada) – he used the word ‘birth’ (jati) with the meaning it has in Dhamma language. In his description of conditioned arising, he wasn’t talking about physical birth [or previous physical lives.] He was talking about the birth of attachment to the ideas of ‘me’ and ‘mine,’ ‘myself’ and ‘my own.” (Buddhadasa, 1999, pp. 29-30) When we train our Hearts appropriately, we can minimize the impact of this egotism, and even eliminate craving and grasping.
Skepticism and any objection to buddhist meditation-- runs contrary to numerous evidence in which meditators have attained a high level of happiness through practice… Today the fact that meditation brings about numerous benefits in life has been scientifically proven and is generally accepted.” (Ussivakul, pp. 48-50) How many of us find ourselves in the category of skeptics?: one buddhist teacher says that this is possibly an emotional response related to “…indecision and unreasonable doubt concerning the real benefits of meditation… reasonable doubt leads to knowledge of its causes which in turn could relieve the doubt…
I have found myself in this circumstance in the past, indisposed to experiencing buddhism in an appropriate way because I was simply ignorant of what the rewards might be. Further, the words may at times be the same in buddhism, and even used in more or less the same way, but we must be alert to the particular context and there being a special language (or vernacular) relating to Buddhism that distracts us from the intrinsic benefits of buddhist meditation. Consider this next example -- the idea of “pre-existence of a spiritual being” --now incorporated into each of us. This is often thought of as more than just an abstract soul or spirit, more than just our DNA. Likewise there is the teaching of the afterlife existence of our “Spirit” or some memory, Soul, or flame of consciousness. These teachings are found in many religions, and have been attributed to Buddhism by some in the Western intellectual community as being part of the cosmology of Buddhism, yet when we look at the specialized meaning of words we see that our commitment to ordinary language misleads us, takes us away from the actual Buddhist message.
There is another kind of objection to studying and practicing buddhism. This kind of skepticism is demonstrated by those who live “in a world of can’ts.” They find every possible objection to the teachings and advice because some particular circumstance in their life precludes them from engaging in a spiritual practice. This is a kind of being stuck. This kind of personal skepticism must be overcome by problem solving and by grasping the uninhibited desire to achieve relief from pain and distress.
Understanding how to develop the Heart, has been a useful realization for me recently. Because when I think of my heart as an active agent, an evolving and guiding force in my life, then I am able to understand and rationalize what I though were apparent contradictions, (and overcome misconceptions) in Buddhist teachings that have kept me away from active practice. I will explain this heart concept more in a minute.
First I want to describe another objection I had, which is described as one of the five obstacles to benefiting from meditation --- the state of mind labeled “skepticism.” This is when we are “…irrationally uncertain so much that [our] minds cannot concentrate effectively on the meditation object.” This relates to the phrase, “hardening the Heart”, used in many circumstances, and the opposite of that is simply being receptive and being open, sensitive and willing to learn and initially try out authentic Buddhist meditation. I confess that at times in the past I was a very serious skeptic.
Today I want to examine how we can use Buddhist teachings and practice to ...develop our hearts, and find ways to be compassionate in everything we do.
There are many misinterpretations and a good deal of misinformation about Buddhism in our Western intellectual tradition. Each of these misconceptions is worthy of a Sunday presentation, but today I want to clarify and explain my understanding of the “Heart” – and to do this I will discuss a few issues based on the usage of a special language or jargon used by the dhamma traditions. This special jargon is what is in great part the cause of these misconceptions.
Now, in order to say what I have just said and be understood, I have necessarily used ordinary language, the language we learn and use in public school. Since we are so familiar... with everyday language… we often fail to realize the existence of other quite different and special languages: [for example the languages of academic disciplines such as Economics, or Law... ] also the language of Dhamma… is altogether different from the language of everyday.” (Buddhadasa) In many cases the words are the same but because we use these words in a particular context the meanings we assign to them are often different.
Before I finish I will give some examples of this jargon. But first I wish to clarify one point: When we read about historical Buddhism, many authors regard this teaching as a philosophy (not as a religion) because there is no deistic tradition. Buddha was asked many questions which are still being asked today such as:
Is there a God?
Who created the world?
Is there life after death?
Where is heaven and hell?
The classic answer given by Buddha was silence. He refused to answer these questions purposely because "these profit not, nor have they anything to do with the fundamentals of the religious life, nor do they lead to Supreme Wisdom, the Bliss of Nirvana." Even if answers were given, he said, " there would still remain the problems of birth, old age, death, sorrow, lamentation, misery, grief, and despair--all the grim facts of life--and it is for their extinction that I prescribe my teachings."
Buddhism is essentially religious because the teachings lead sincere adherents into having their own experiences that become life changing. No amount of academic or intellectual activity (developing concepts or philosophizing) can replace the experience that comes from diligent and repeated meditation along with sharing with other members of the Sangha.
So even though there is no deistic tradition, Buddhism is not strictly speaking an atheist philosophy, this understanding is left up to each individual, a matter of the Heart. Indeed many people find it possible to continue in their religious traditions and still embrace Buddhism.
How far do we need to go in conforming to the traditions of Buddhism? The Buddha didn’t want his followers to become intellectual slaves to any dogma or teacher, least of all to himself. There are taught ten principles that enable us to discern with our Hearts the teachings which are truly capable of improving our lives. I will not list all of these-- but briefly:
do not accept and believe just because something has been passed along and retold through the years or has become a tradition...
do not accept and believe merely because of the reports and news spreading far and wide
nor... anything written because... The words can be created, improved, and changed by human hands. We need to use our powers of discrimination to see how those words can be applied to quenching our suffering.
do not believe just because something fits with the reasoning of logic ...what we call ‘logics,’ can go wrong if its data or its methods are incorrect [or incorrectly applied.]”
do not believe or accept just because something appeals to one’s common sense ...or agrees with one’s preconceived opinions and theories.
do not believe just because the speaker appears believable. Outside appearances and the actual knowledge inside a person can never be identical.
do not believe just because the preacher, the [charismatic] speaker, is ‘our teacher.’ believe only after adequately considering the advice and putting it to the test of practice… Intellectual and spiritual freedom is best.” (Buddhadasa, 1999, pp. 2-5) This is the same way that we go about developing our Hearts.
Now I will give some examples of this special Buddhist language. And I want to emphasize that this is much the same phenomenon that occurs in other religions, certainly in Islam compared to the language used by Catholics, they may use similar words in more or less the same ways but the meanings are very different, and Protestants use most of the same words as Catholics, but now after nearly a thousand years of being divided the meanings are often different.
For Buddhism it is taught that: “Having perceived Dhamma, they speak in terms appropriate to their experience, and so Dhamma language comes into being.” This explanation is intended to suggest how the “jargon” of Buddhism developed, not to suggest an elite, secret, or esoteric language.
Buddhism teaches that our existence is, thusness, tathagata, suchness, what is, the here and now. In many places in Buddhist texts the word ‘birth’ and ‘rebirth’ are used but this is a specialized usage. “In everyday language, the word ‘birth’ refers to physically coming into the world... In Dhamma language, the word ‘birth’ refers to the birth of the idea ‘I’ or ‘ego’ that arises in the mind throughout each day. In this sense, the ordinary person is born very often, time and time again;... a person well advanced in practice (ariyan, noble one) is born less frequently still, and ultimately ceases being born altogether [arahant.]” (Buddhadasa) Because they live without “I” and ego guiding their lives.
Thus the idea that finding nirvana is about gaining enlightenment and thus not needing to suffer again from another reincarnation, is a misinterpretation of Buddhism, although this is taught in many Hindu traditions. In most Buddhist traditions today, “rebirth” is about what is happening in our daily lives.
For most people Buddhism is a very pragmatic teaching: one teacher warns: “If we bring magical and sacred things into Buddhism, it will become just more bowing to and worshiping holy things, requesting whatever we want without doing anything. That's a religion of begging and pleading; that isn't Buddhism at all. Instead, we must behave and practice in correct accordance with the law of nature ... “ (Buddhadasa) These instructions are as democratic as the nature of the very earliest Buddhist teachings that advocated the abolition of the caste system.
The emphasis on developing the Heart, is one case where the the western usage of “Heart” as a useful allegory is familiar and similar to the Buddhist usage. We can have a “full heart”, a “broken heart” a “soft heart” a “kind heart”, when we are in love we speak “the language of our hearts”. …. and in each case we have thousands of years of usage to corroborate a meaning for us in our ordinary language, and it is the same in all western romance languages.
In Buddhism the use of the word “Heart” -- is composed of what we ordinarily think of as our compassion, memories, mind and consciousness. This is an active allegory, one that can become the repository for our learning gains from the practice of Buddhism, thus we develop our hearts and this can be what guides our lives.
Part of my intention here today is to invite each of you to open your hearts, to have reasonable doubts. I have tried to suggest how we develop our hearts --which is the main focus of the teachings about meditation, rituals, chanting and practices of Buddhism. It is in our Hearts where we can find a space that is devoid of egocentricity, it is in our Hearts where sharing and caring originates. It is in our Hearts where we test the explanations about “creation” for example. It is in our hearts where we put aside gender distinctions that have plagued our society and can still be found in some Buddhist traditions in Asia.
Let me put this together: Recall that I said: “In Dhamma language, the word ‘birth’ refers to the birth of the idea ‘I’ or ‘ego’ that arises in the mind throughout each day. “ ---It is a universal teaching of Buddhism to get rid of the I, ego-centered life full of craving and grasping and greed – because these attitudes often lead to undesirable and unintended consequences-- But how do we eliminate the sense of my and mine? and still live a normal life?
When I realized that this teaching is based on another special use of language and that it applies to the growth and development of our Hearts, suddenly I could see how it was possible to do this. We can live a normal life working and being happy with our families, using ordinary grammar and prepositions like I, my, they, you etc., and independently develop our hearts to lead us toward developing we, our, all, and find ways to be compassionate in everything we do.
I am not here to tell you that I have actually achieved this kind of enlightened and purified heart, Libby will vouch for my need for modesty in this respect. But I want to leave you with one thought: this idea of developing our Hearts through the practice of Buddhist meditation, rather than just a simple practice of developing self-discipline, is the key to the value of Buddhism in our contemporary society.
The teachings of the religion [of Buddhism] leads to this point,-- The heart comes first, the heart is chief, the heart is the principal factor. All dhammas come down to the heart. So this is where we should straighten things out. Get so that the heart is shining and bright.” (Boowa, pg. 86) When we develop our Hearts to the point where we are guided in our actions by a gracious and thoughtful sentiment, we are following our hearts and the intention of the Buddha.
End of presentation
There are two specific meditation teachings that are often found in many different buddhist traditions: Anapanasati which is also called vipassana or using the breath to help develop concentration: and Satipatthana meditation which involves observing the body and mind to see it like it is, and just that, thusness.
In both meditation schemes it is our Hearts that rise above the five aggregates, as they are called, the crude instinctual habits of our animal lives, it is in our Hearts where we can connect to the tradition and nurturing of the ancients, it is in our Hearts that we find the energy and courage to meditate day after day, until we purify our minds and bodies. We look at breath as it passes, our postures, our daily motions and activities... also showing us our impermanent material nature... In buddhism there is no reference to looking for any spirit, eternal soul or mystical nature beyond the physical. There is nothing about “finding your true Self” or getting in touch with our higher self, because these do not exist (except possibly as abstract concepts) for Buddhists.
At different times in my life I went back to study Buddhism and practiced meditation that was presumably based on buddhism. Each of these periods is now remembered with fondness, because I'm sure I gained something even when I was doing it wrong, so to speak.
In [authentic] buddhist meditation... the task is to build up a degree of inner equipoise within which desires and discontent are held at bay. These initial stages of either Anapanasati or Satipatthana parallel sense-restraint, which combines bare sati with deliberate effort in order to avoid or counterbalance desires and discontent.” All of this effort comes from within our minds, listening to the urges of our Hearts, not from any outside source (i.e. god) influencing a “spirit” or “soul.” We are alone, but capable. “…Sense-restraint can be considered part of Satipatthana practice, particularly at those stages when desires and discontent have not yet been completely removed…” (Analayo, pp. 71-72) One point here is to demystify the way we are to see ourselves. When we can calmly view a repugnant image such as a decaying body, this is an analogy and we can view the ugliness of our own past natures and previous emotional reactions with equanimity, then we begin to take ownership and change our lives for the better.
I remember interpreting the first noble truth “life is all about suffering” or something to that effect, as a form of psychological blackmail – and teaching to convince people to follow a professional priesthood. This was my objection based on misinformation and it lasted for many years.
Instead, in buddhism we learn that living life as an art form, the very concept upon which many Buddhist teachings are based, and following enlightened ethical/moral teachings, is just as good an explanation for meaning in life than any given by a god/creator. At least it works for me. When we learn the art of developing our Hearts and using this abstract feature of our being as a source for inspiration, we have arrived at a very enlightened state, maybe not complete but it's a nice place to be. Our Hearts are not a Soul in any religious sense, but an abstract combination of our minds, memories, consciousness, and compassion both useful for ourselves and giving us the capacity to be kind and to love others. It may be more difficult to achieve this certainty, but it is also more rewarding in that it leads to peace of mind in all the ways that are taught in Buddhism and important in our Western culture.
Even though we be independent freethinkers we are still members of families and have personal responsibilities. What can be the justification for anyone to leave their families and dependents and live a life of solitude or cloister? This is actually discouraged by Buddhist teachers, and no doubt far more people are discouraged from this than are accepted into monastic orders. “So, in keeping with the fact that we're educated, we shouldn't forget the kindness of our parents [and families] who cared and provided for us before anyone else in the world. And we shouldn't forget our [historical] teachers and other benefactors. We should always keep their kindness in mind – because everything we have in body and mind has come from the care, protection, and teachings of our parents and teachers.” (Boowa) Of course there are those who had no parents and disliked their teachers, and have no spouse nor children and few filial obligations; these are the exceptions that prove the rule, so the message here is that we gain when we acknowledge the contribution of others in making our lives happier and perhaps helping us along an intriguing spiritual path. Knowing the love for our parents helps us imagine the possibility of sharing the same compassion for all of humanity.
The concept of “anatta” is central to Buddhism, in that it is taught as one of three characteristics of existence, along with impermanence (anicca) and unsatisfactoriness (dukkha). “The anatta doctrine teaches that neither within the bodily and mental phenomena of existence, nor outside of them, can be found anything that in the ultimate sense could be regarded as a self-existing real ego-entity, soul or any other abiding substance. This is the central doctrine of Buddhism, without understanding which, a real knowledge of Buddhism is altogether impossible. It is the only really specific Buddhist doctrine, with which the entire structure of the Buddhist teaching stands or falls. All the remaining Buddhist doctrines may, more or less, be found in other philosophic systems and religions, but the anatta doctrine has been clearly and unreservedly taught only by the Buddha...” (Nyanatiloka) This concept of anatta has either been corrupted by history, or misinterpreted. Stated like this-- no “self-existing real ego-entity, soul or any other abiding substance” --it is so much ahead of history and was not emphasized in the West until the time of Schopenhauer.
But For now it is enough to understand that “Everyday language and Dhamma language are two distinct and different modes of speaking… Dhamma language is the language spoken by people who have gained a deep insight into Dhamma.”
People who have a sensitivity or “intuition” about a divinely ordered universe will naturally gravitate toward the more esoteric or metaphysical teachings (of tibetan buddhist traditions, for example). People who are more “materialistic” will be more comfortable in the Theravada tradition, especially as it is taught in modern times as a rational, atheistic, aesthetic philosophy. For this latter there is no “Heaven”, no after life, no resurrection, no soul, no “rebirth”, no more… in the ordinary sense of such terminology. We just have this one chance to enjoy and benefit from our lives. Again, knowing why and how to do that is part of what it means to be enlightened. The truth of our Hearts as these become developed, is the truth that matters. “Everything within us, everything in the world, comes down to this one [refined] heart. The important essence lies here and nowhere else. So make an effort to free this heart, to straighten it out in line with your abilities – or to the utmost of your abilities. You'll then come to possess a rewarding treasure within the heart- the great, extremely rewarding treasure of the heart's own purity.” (Boowa, pg. 87) How can we have faith and depend on such an abstract, composite concept? As humans we have this capacity, and for some this is what they know as spirituality. What other choice do we have?
Thus where is the “I-ness” that we use so often in our ordinary language? There need be no “I-ness” in our abstract Hearts, but “I-ness” is found in our minds and the language (e.g. pronouns, I, mine, me, we) of our culture. This daily, ordinary usage is innocent and of no concern for enlightenment, it is the habitual egoism of our Hearts that we seek to eliminate, where it can be thought of as empty, not skillful. In our practice we develop our Hearts as the most intimate connection to the teaching of Buddhism and to humanity (and to the heritage of Buddhism) in general and this connection is without “I-ness”. Further it is by looking into our Hearts where we may find the answers to our most perplexing questions, and we find that the answers are more or less the same for everyone. Knowing this is like finding the answer to a riddle.
When a universal perspective dwells in our Hearts, there is understanding that “The body [emotions often of chemical origin] is something filled with suffering and discontent, but the heart can be filled with happiness. This is where they differ. The body is pitch dark in line with the crudeness of its elements, but the heart can be dazzlingly bright through the power of the Dhamma. This is where the heart becomes a 'Dhamma element', when it's fully bright within itself because absolutely nothing is left to obscure it.” (Boowa, pg. 86) And now we know the key to accessing all this purity. We know how to proceed, and we know that frequent and diligent practice will yield positive results eventually.
“Each arising in the mind of the idea of ‘I’ in one form or another is called a ‘birth.’ [furthermore] …To think like a celestial being is to be born a celestial being. Life, the individual, pleasure and pain, and other personifications --all these were identified by the Buddha as simply momentary states of consciousness. So the word ‘birth’ is used as an allegory, and means in Dhamma language the arising of the idea of ‘I’ or ‘me;’ and not, as in everyday language the physical birth from the mother’s womb.
The idea that Buddhism is a religion, and ought to be used that way for all the very positive benefits that a religion can convey, is important. “The teachings of the religion [of Buddhism] leads to this point, step by step, from the very beginning. The dhamma, you know, can be said to be broad, but can also be said to be narrow because it all comes down to one point – the heart. The heart is what experiences both good and evil... This is why the Buddha taught 'mano pubbangama dhamma' The heart comes first, the heart is chief, the heart is the principal factor. All dhammas come down to the heart. They don't lie anywhere else. So this is where we should straighten things out. Get so that the heart is shining and bright.” (Boowa, pg. 86)
The Heart is what controls the details of our lives once we have gone to the effort of developing it to be compassionate and virtuous. This is the home of purification --as we set out in our enlightened lives to achieve. Previously, I would not have written that statement, I didn't understand it that way and have come to understand only after I was taught by the Venerable Acariya Maha Boowa Nanasampanno, in his book, how to develop the Heart, and how essential it is to regard the “citta” as Heart. Every waking moment we resort to the information that is kindly stored in our Hearts; when we make the first contact of the day with our family members we do so with tenderness and solicitude that is prompted by the compassion that lives in our Hearts. Just like parents who are giving care to their young child; such compassion very often comes naturally, yet it comes from the Heart.
Our Hearts develop based on the ingrained habits of our chosen conduct, intentions and affinities. Whether we are extroverts or introverts, whatever the cause of these personality traits, this becomes a habit for us by the time we are adults. Some people relish the pleasure of associating with other people frequently, and some people are attracted to being alone or aloof. “This is why the various Arahant disciples excelled in different areas – each of them had developed habits emphasizing different aspects of inner goodness. There were many of them who, after becoming Arahants, didn't receive a lot of offerings or respect from people, but they excelled in other areas – all of which were aspects of the inner goodness that had helped them attain the Dhamma and gain release from suffering. But the external results still showed... An ingrained habit is something implanted deep in the heart [much like an addiction,] something we have done so consistently that it comes naturally to us, without anyone having to tell us -something we feel comfortable and right about doing, something we simply want to do, of our own accord. This is the point where it's called an ingrained habit.” (Boowa, pg. 78) The message here relates to positive ingrained habits, but negative ingrained habits operate in the same way to destroy the connections we have with our pure Hearts and with our natural Buddhahood. This implies the destructive nature of the ingrained habit of indulging in alcohol or other mind altering drugs [which are not prescription medications used appropriately.] A brief examination of our friends and acquaintances will likely reveal how some people can cope with minor alcohol or drug use, i.e. marijuana, and for others it becomes a destructive force in their lives. If our drug use encourages or enables the use by someone for whom drug use is destructive, it would be better for us to abstain than contribute to their destruction.
In buddhism other kinds of torments and suffering are described allegorically. “Rebirth after death as some kind of lower animal is the everyday meaning of rebirth into the realm of the beasts. In Dhamma language, it has a different meaning. When one is stupid, just like a dumb animal, then at that moment one is born into the realm of beasts… One may be born as a beast many times over in a single day. So in Dhamma language, birth as a beast means stupidity.” Prisons are full of people who live in the “realm of beasts,”
Another generic example of a specialized language, is found in the experience of reading a poem, initially with little understanding, then with a few clues and rereading we begin to recognize the metaphors, symbolism and poetic devices being used. The special language of the poem gives the poem a certain beauty and power not otherwise achieved. To elaborate, in Buddhism this special vernacular “... has to do with the mental world, with the intangible, non-physical world.” (Buddhadasa) Dhamma language is [most often] used to describe and express concepts that relate to what we often refer to as our “spiritual” lives.
“…When [Buddha] was expounding Higher Dhamma – for instance, when discussing conditioned arising (paticca-samuppada) – he used the word ‘birth’ (jati) with the meaning it has in Dhamma language. In his description of conditioned arising, he wasn’t talking about physical birth [or previous physical lives.] He was talking about the birth of attachment to the ideas of ‘me’ and ‘mine,’ ‘myself’ and ‘my own.” (Buddhadasa, 1999, pp. 29-30) When we train our Hearts appropriately, we can minimize the impact of this egotism, and even eliminate craving and grasping.
Skepticism and any objection to buddhist meditation-- runs contrary to numerous evidence in which meditators have attained a high level of happiness through practice… Today the fact that meditation brings about numerous benefits in life has been scientifically proven and is generally accepted.” (Ussivakul, pp. 48-50) How many of us find ourselves in the category of skeptics?: one buddhist teacher says that this is possibly an emotional response related to “…indecision and unreasonable doubt concerning the real benefits of meditation… reasonable doubt leads to knowledge of its causes which in turn could relieve the doubt…
I have found myself in this circumstance in the past, indisposed to experiencing buddhism in an appropriate way because I was simply ignorant of what the rewards might be. Further, the words may at times be the same in buddhism, and even used in more or less the same way, but we must be alert to the particular context and there being a special language (or vernacular) relating to Buddhism that distracts us from the intrinsic benefits of buddhist meditation. Consider this next example -- the idea of “pre-existence of a spiritual being” --now incorporated into each of us. This is often thought of as more than just an abstract soul or spirit, more than just our DNA. Likewise there is the teaching of the afterlife existence of our “Spirit” or some memory, Soul, or flame of consciousness. These teachings are found in many religions, and have been attributed to Buddhism by some in the Western intellectual community as being part of the cosmology of Buddhism, yet when we look at the specialized meaning of words we see that our commitment to ordinary language misleads us, takes us away from the actual Buddhist message.
There is another kind of objection to studying and practicing buddhism. This kind of skepticism is demonstrated by those who live “in a world of can’ts.” They find every possible objection to the teachings and advice because some particular circumstance in their life precludes them from engaging in a spiritual practice. This is a kind of being stuck. This kind of personal skepticism must be overcome by problem solving and by grasping the uninhibited desire to achieve relief from pain and distress.
Understanding how to develop the Heart, has been a useful realization for me recently. Because when I think of my heart as an active agent, an evolving and guiding force in my life, then I am able to understand and rationalize what I though were apparent contradictions, (and overcome misconceptions) in Buddhist teachings that have kept me away from active practice. I will explain this heart concept more in a minute.
First I want to describe another objection I had, which is described as one of the five obstacles to benefiting from meditation --- the state of mind labeled “skepticism.” This is when we are “…irrationally uncertain so much that [our] minds cannot concentrate effectively on the meditation object.” This relates to the phrase, “hardening the Heart”, used in many circumstances, and the opposite of that is simply being receptive and being open, sensitive and willing to learn and initially try out authentic Buddhist meditation. I confess that at times in the past I was a very serious skeptic.
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